


He Doesn't Want to Hang Out With You, Loser

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill
Genre: M/M, Panic Attack, Swearing, but thats okay, jeremy is a Not Very Good friend, self-deprecation, trigger warnings uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 18:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11583780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Ah, dude, sorry, but I can’t this Friday,” Jeremy replied, guilt evident in his tone, “Christine and I are-are going to be seeing a m-movie. Some other time though, definitely!”





	He Doesn't Want to Hang Out With You, Loser

**Author's Note:**

> edit: wow ok the text messed up that's embarrassing  
> hey suh dudes sorry for kinda dying and deleting all of my unfinished works oops  
> (i deleted them for personal reasons pls dont ask thanks my guys)  
> anyway i hope u enjoy this pls give it attention ive worked on it inconsistently for a week (and it still sucks but thats not the frickin point)

Michael grumbled something incoherent to himself and slammed the door to his locker shut. The boy slung his backpack over his shoulders, one strap dangling to the side as the other grasped onto his shoulder for dear life. He sighed, then swung his foot around and began trudging his way down the hallway. 

He wasn't in a necessarily cheery mood after the current day’s events. For one, he didn't really have anyone to talk to because Jeremy had been hanging out with his new(er, better) friends all day. Second, some snotty kids that sat behind him in 4th period thought it would be fan-fucking-tastic to hurl spitballs at him and make some nasty remarks on his patches. Third, it's just been a sucky week in general for him, but he'd rather not get into the details. 

“See ya later, Jer-Bear!” A perky, adorable voice chimed, snapping him out of his thoughts. He glanced up from the white tiled floor just in time to see none other than the seemingly always-cheerful Christine Canigula skipping past him. He stopped in his tracks and eyed her as she turned the corner, then averted his gaze to where she had come from. There, walking towards the school’s exit doors was a tall brunette with fluffy brown hair, wearing a blue backpack with the word “BOYF” scrawled on the silver line in faded black sharpie. He couldn't help but smile at just seeing the sight of his best (and practically only) friend, even if it was just a back view.

“Jeremy!” Michael called, now breaking into a sprint toward his friend as a hand shot up into the air. Jeremy's head whipped around with a deer-in-the-headlights expression on his face, but his features relaxed when he saw that it was just Michael. 

“Suh’, dude!” he called back, waving a hand to his friend as the other gripped his backpack strap. He stopped walking and patiently watched his friend catch his breath once he had caught up to him.

“Dude, oh my God, I haven't seen you all day!” Michael exclaimed with a smile on his face, but then it twitched and slightly faltered. “Or...week, as a matter of fact…”

Jeremy slightly frowned when he saw Michael’s knuckles, which were both holding onto the one strap over his shoulder, tighten after having said that. “Were you hanging out with your other friends?” Michael asked.

“I- Uh, yeah! I-I was,” Jeremy responded, “R-Rich and I were hanging out at his place the other day! Jake- Jake was there, too, and-”

Michael could visually see Jeremy's eyes grow lovesick as he swooned over his girlfriend. Michael bit his lower lip as his eyes pulled away from Jeremy's face to instead stare at the floor.

“Christi-i-ine,” the taller one cooed, rolling out the “i” and ending the word on a dreamy sigh. His gaze slowly averted to a nearby locker as he began to daydream about his girl. After about a minute, Michael let out an uncomfortable cough, and Jeremy looked back at him. “Oh, s-sorry, Mike! I- uh, I kinda zoned out-”

“It's all good, man!” Michael responded with a waver in his voice. God, he could feel the jealousy and hurt burning in his chest. If he were honest, he sort of wished he was invited to hang out with them, even if he didn't know Jeremy’s friends very well. “You really got it for her, don't you?”

“Oh-h, yeah,” Jeremy airily chuckled as a light blush dusted across his face, “Ah, Anyway, did you, um, want some- something?”

“Oh, right! Yeah, actually,” Michael said, trying to ignore the feeling. He took an internal deep breath and looked back up at Jeremy, but refused to make any direct eye contact. He opened his mouth to speak, but all the words came tumbling out at once. “DidyouwanttohangwithmeFriday?”

Michael winced through his smile at how incredibly quick he managed to say that. He didn't why he did, but he hoped Jeremy didn't notice.

He definitely noticed. While he didn't say anything about it, Michael saw a glint of worry in Jeremy’s eyes, but it didn't last long.

“Ah, dude, sorry, but I can’t this Friday,” Jeremy replied, guilt evident in his tone, “Christine and I are-are going to be seeing a m-movie. Some other time though, definitely!”

The little glint in Michael’s eyes seemed to fade away as he gave a weak smile in response to what Jeremy had said. Jeremy had been pulling this a lot recently, about a month now. Rejecting him, telling him “next time,” “not now,” and “another time.” 

“That’s fine,” Michael said. He hesitated, then continued. He didn't want to give up. “Saturday? Apocalypse of the Damned?”

Jeremy sighed and looked at the floor to avoid the possibility of Michael seeing the guilt in his eyes. “I’m, uh, I’m hanging out with m-my dad this Saturday,” he mumbled, causing Michael to lean in to hear him, “It's his day off- off from work and, um…”

“Sunday? Is Sunday good?” Michael interrupted. He still had some hope left in him. Jeremy ran a hand through his hair, and his eyes remained locked on the ground.

“M-” Jeremy started, then paused and forced himself to look at Michael. “M-Maybe next week?” he said with a wince.

"When, uh, ever you're free," Michael replied. There was a brief moment of silence as Michael remembered a recent situation similar to this one. Jeremy was just going to blow him off again, then promise him next time. Next time. Next time. Ne-

 

"Next time," he mumbled, but it was inaudible to his taller friend. Michael's now-strained smile faded, and his eyes were downcast. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat as he ran a hand through his hair. "J-Just forget it, Jer. Hope you have fun this weekend."

“Wa-Wait, M-Michael,” Jeremy said.

“Jer, it’s fine, really. Just-” Michael murmured. He paused, then sighed. “See you later.”

He brushed past Jeremy and briskly walked, almost jogging, out the school’s exit. 

The hot summer air immediately hit the hooded boy in the face, but he ignored the intense heat as he made his way to his PT Cruiser in the parking lot. He opened the car door and got blasted with even hotter unbearable heat, then climbed inside and tossed his backpack in the passenger seat. After starting up his car, the A/C turned on as he breathed a deep sigh, and he then laid in the driver’s seat and leaned it back as far as it could go. Now it is was just Michael, by himself.

Michael, by himself with his thoughts now, racing at the speed of light across his brain.

Michael, by himself with his unpleasant thoughts now, racing at the speed of light across his brain.

Michael, by himself with his Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad thoughts now, racing at the speed of light across his brain.

_He doesn't like you anymore, at least not as much,_ one nasty little voice in his brain commented.

_I wonder what was more important than you?,_ another one chimed.

_Is he ever going to be free to hang out again? Probably not._

_You’re just some lame stoner, you're not that important._ It was right.

_New friends, huh? They seem pretty cool._

_I wonder who else he's made friends with?_

A single, horrible sentence slips across his mind.

_Compared to them, you must seem like a **loser.**_

The one word never leaves his head.

_Loser._

Michael sighed and held a hand up to his temple as the other reached to turn on the radio. Anything to drown out his thoughts. As Top 40’s began playing, he pulled himself up and sat on the seat with his knees up to his chest, with his arms wrapped underneath his thighs. 

He heard a noise from outside the car, so he turned his head where it was coming from. There was someone he didn't know walking by his car. The person pointed at Michael and said something, causing two people walking beside them to giggle. They continued to walk, still laughing.

_They must think you're such a loser._

Michael let out a noise of frustration as he reached his hands up to his face and aggressively rubbed it, causing his glasses to become askew. He didn't bother fixing them and placed his hands on the steering wheel. “Let’s just get home,” he mumbled to himself as his car slowly pulled out of the parking lot.

As he drove, he tried to focus on how hot it was, or the ad playing on the radio, other than his mind, himself, or anything having to do with the two. Despite this, everything seemed to link back to what had happened. “Does Jeremy really think that I’m a lo- That I’m lame?” He thought out loud, “I wonder what he's doing right now…”

His grip on the steering wheel tightened, his knuckles going white. 

“I wonder what I’m going to do now...”

Once again, his toxic thoughts seemed to give a reply to the questions he asked himself.

_You're a loser, and he knows it. Don't stop yourself from reminding the fact._

_He's probably doing something fun, completely forgetting about you._

_You? You might as well just stay in your basement. Get high, play video games. Off yourself. No one will miss you._

Michael's car slowed down at an upcoming stop sign. As a few cars sped by, he tried to relax and calm himself down. The death grip he originally had on the steering wheel loosened, and blood immediately rushed back to his fingers. As he started driving again, his phone in the passenger seat buzzed. He glanced over to it, seeing the contact name: Jer-Bear.

He was about to reach for his phone, but hesitated, then pulled away. He suddenly felt angry. Really angry. Furious. Was it at Jeremy? The plans? He didn't know, but before he knew it, his blood was boiling as his foot pressed against the gas pedal.

Steadily the car began to move faster and faster. His phone buzzed again, and as he sped forward cars around him started honking and slowing down. The noises surrounding him, however, were being drowned out by his thoughts and the occasional buzzing of his phone. He thought he heard someone swearing loudly at him at one point, and someone else honking obnoxiously. He wasn't even focusing on driving very much anymore, just getting home. Just getting home.

His phone buzzed again. He wanted to cry, out of anger and pent up stress. 

_Oh look, you've gone and made him worried again._

_Does he even care, or does he just feel obligated to text you, seeing as you moodily stormed out earlier?_

_Why should you answer, he doesn’t want to actually talk you, you **loser.**_

As the yelling got louder, and the insults that were being spewed at him became clear, he floored on the gas pedal and sped down the road. The thoughts in his head continued to degrade him, and the buzzing of his phone got louder. Everything got louder. His head began to hurt. His ears started aching. People were honking their horns. There was shouting. Everything was so loud and it was so unbearable. 

 

Michael quickly pulled over to an extended part of the road. He quickly covered his face in his hands and yelled, “SHUT UP!”

His mind went blank. He felt blank. Everything felt blank. 

A few minutes passed, and he hurt the faint buzz of his phone one last time. He uncovered his hands, which were now wet and shaking, and averted his gaze toward his phone. He carefully grabbed it, hesitated, then began reading through the texts Jeremy sent him. 

**Jer-Bear:** Hey Michael, you there? Sorry about blowing you off earlier, lol  
**Jer-Bear:** I was thinking, I didn't have anything planned for tomorrow, you wanna hang out?  
**Jer-Bear:** Hey you there? Lmao  
**Jer-Bear:** Michael?  
**Jer-Bear:** Okay youre starting to scare me lol, normally you reply instany  
**Jer-Bear:** Instantly  
**Jer-Bear:** Michael?  
**Jer-Bear:** Heyyyyyyy you thereee?  
**Jer-Bear:** Are you ok? I didnt offend you or anything did I?  
**Jer-Bear:** Dangg sorry dude  
**Jer-Bear:** Only time youve been this silent was when i got the squid  
**Jer-Bear:** Squid  
**Jer-Bear:** Squip  
**Jer-Bear:** You there?  
**Jer-Bear:** Hhh dude I’m really sorry for kinda ignoring you recently  
**Jer-Bear:** Oh dang you must be busy huh whoops… This must be getting pretty annoying  
**Jer-Bear:** I’ll stop messaging you but  
**Jer-Bear:** Please respond? Or at least leave me on read?  
**Jer-Bear:** Honestly it's kinda starting to scare me lmao

Right above the message box, it said _”Jer-Bear is typing…”_

Michael immediately tapped on the box and began typing with shaking hands, and the typing insignia disappeared for a brief moment. 

**MarshMELLow:** jemrwmy ohmy god 

**Jer-Bear:** OH JEEZ YOU SCARED ME OK 

**MarshMELLow:** ims of sorry ohy my god dude  
**MarshMELLow:** i think i died 

**Jer-Bear:** Omg what happened lol 

**MarshMELLow:** i think i wa s goung eighfty and went mentnal 

**Jer-Bear:** Wait you're still driving home?  
**Jer-Bear:** What road are you on? 

**MarshMELLow:** Clinton it lokos likke 

**Jer-Bear:** Oh my god  
**Jer-Bear:** Uh ok wait I’m coming to pick you up stay right there 

**MarshMELLow:** no waitdeude its sokay  
**MarshMELLow:** i think ill eb fine 

**Jer-Bear:** No i'm coming idc  
**Jer-Bear:** It’s really no trouble don't worry  
**Jer-Bear:** im getting into my car right now, just Stay there ok? 

**MarshMELLow:** okay thsnks 

About ten minutes passed. 

**MarshMELLow:** im sorry if i ruined any plans for you today 

**_MarshMELLow is typing…_ **

**Jer-Bear:** Oh no, don't worry about that!! erally it was nothing important!  
**Jer-Bear:** **really 

**MarshMELLow:** okay okay i just 

Michael hesitated for a moment. 

**MarshMELLow:** thanks for beinng a good friend 

**Jer-Bear:** uhh no problem! but i uh,, I don't think Ive been a very good one as of recently heh 

**MarshMELLow:** you have a girlfriend and like a billion other friends ofc youre not always going to have time to spend with me 

**Jer-Bear:** but dude 

_**Jer-Bear is typing…** _

__

**Jer-Bear:** Wait I think I see your cruiser hold up 

Michael glanced out the mirror just in time to see a car pull over behind his. In just a blink of an eye, Jeremy was at the window, tapping on the glass. “Michael!” he said in a muffled voice. 

“Jeremy!” he called back. Jeremy stepped out of the way for Michael so he could get out of the car. As soon he did, He was grabbed by the shoulders and forced to make eye contact with his friend, who now showed obvious signs of distress and worry. 

“Are- Are you okay? Are you crying?” Jeremy asked. He spoke really quickly, so quick that his words toppled over each other, and Michael almost couldn't pick up what he said. “What _happened?”_

It was only when Jeremy pointed it out that he realized that he was still crying. It wasn't as bad as it originally was, but his cheeks were still wet and his face was red, and he just looked like a disheveled mess. He wiped at his face for a few moments, then looked up at Jeremy with watery eyes as he tried searching for something, anything, to say as some sort of confirmation that he was maybe okay. “I, uh-” Michael started, but he was at a loss for words, “Fuck, Jer…” 

Jeremy rushed into a hug, engulfing the smaller boy in his arms. One hand was in his hair, and the other was wrapped tight around his back. 

Michael stood there for a few moments with Jeremy's arms wrapped around him as he processed what was going on. Jeremy was hugging him. Now that he realized it, they haven't hugged in an incredibly long time. 

He remembered back in the third grade when he and Jeremy made a pact to hug only for “Very Important” emergencies, since "hugging was for sissies," Little Michael stated. Was this one of those moments? Or were they just being sissies? _Fuck it,_ he thought to himself, _we haven't had a happy moment to ourselves since before the SQUIP._

He practically dove into Jeremy, causing the taller one to stumble back. He wrapped his arms around Jeremy’s back and laid his head against his chest. The two were so close that Michael could hear Jeremy’s heartbeat, pounding incredibly loud and beating rapidly into his ear. 

"I don't know, I just- I-...I went to the- to the car and some assholes started laughing, uh, laughing at me so i started- started driving home and I-I got really upset and everything was sudden-suddenly so loud and I-" he made a small sound that sounded like a whimper, and he gulped down the lump in his throat, praying that Jeremy didn't notice, "And then I just- I just- just felt so _mad_ but also upset and- and hurt but mostly mad and I was like flooring past eighty and then in the blink of an eye I was parked on the side of the road and I saw you texting me?" 

Michael took a few breaths after saying so much so quickly, and he felt a couple tears prick at his eyes as the memories and thoughts became vivid again. 

Jeremy winced at the pain in his friend's voice. He hugged him closer and started rubbing his back soothingly. "Shh, you're ok now.." he swallowed. He could feel Michael start crying into his shoulder and chuckled. 

He recalled the time back in second or third grade when there was an assembly; Due to Michael’s growing social anxiety, he became extremely overwhelmed and hid in the bathroom in the middle of the day so that no one could hear him crying. Jeremy had to go in and rescue him, but even then when Michael saw him, he simply smiled, wiped his eyes, and insisted he was fine, even though he clearly wasn't. 

Michael hadn't changed much. This was probably the longest they've hugged since a very long time ago. 

Michael really was a loser.. not a bad one, though. He was the kind of loser that was fun to hang out with, and was really dorky and adorable. The kind that was always there for you no matter what shit you dug yourself into.. 

The kind that you would drop everything you were doing for and go pick up from a practically abandoned highway, the kind that you would let cry into your shoulder because he needed to-  
The kind you would cancel plans for. 

“Let’s- Let’s get you home now, okay?” Jeremy murmured into his ear. Michael nodded and slowly pulled away from him, stumbling back slightly and wiping his eyes. 

“O-Okay, but how- how are we going to get home…? I- I don’t, uh, I don't thin- think I’m stable enough to drive, and I’d hate to leave your car behind…” 

Jeremy hesitated a moment. He looked away and scratched the back of his neck. “Er, I mean," he mumbled, confusion filling his voice. Michael could tell that he obviously didn't think at all of what would happen next. "I mean.. Are you, uh, are you ok with coming- coming back for the cruiser? Or maybe I could, um, get someone to tow it, if, uh, if you want?" He smiled dorkily. 

Michael ducked his head down and held a hand up to his mouth and started laughing. After a moment, he gazed back up at Jeremy and removed the hand from his mouth, and he had on the most adorable toothy smile Jeremy had ever seen. "Sure, Jer," he said, then softly and weakly punched him in the arm, "I can't believe you didn't think this through." 

“Oh, shut up, haha,” Jeremy said as a blush dusted across his features. 

__________ 

As Michael gazed out the window with bright, healing brown eyes, he quietly hummed the songs that gently played on the radio. As the current song faded and the next one began to play, he turned to Jeremy. "Hey, I just wanna say, Thanks- Again- For... driving all the way out here just to come get me," he said in a sincere tone and a soft smile on his face. He paused, and his eyes averted to his legs. "...Who knows what I'd get myself into if you didn't...Just...Thank you." 

"Oh uh, n-no problem! Anything for my favorite person, right?" Jeremy responded, keeping his eyes on the road. 

Michael felt his heart warm at that simple comment. God, he didn't even know how much he needed to hear that. He felt the soft smile on his face grow wider as he averted his gaze back to Jeremy. "Oh, Is it true?" He asked teasingly in a higher voice than his usual, "I'm your...Fav-wit Pewr-son?" 

Jeremy ducked his back and laughed. He felt a smile grow on his face as he heard his friend’s teasing tone. "Yeah, we're never not gonna be a team." 

He snuck a playful glance at Michael. "...But was the change of pitch really necessary?" 

“Definitely,” Michael replied with a small giggle. 

After a few minutes of comfortable silence accompanied by the smooth motor of Jeremy’s car, Jeremy spoke up again. “He-Hey, uh, I’m really, uh, really- _really_ sorry that I- that I haven't, um, been spending time with you lately...And- And for uh, blowing you off and everything…? It was- it was a really shitty thing for me to do, and- and I...I’m just really sorry.” 

Michael glanced over at Jeremy, then back out the window. “It was a pretty shitty thing for you to do,” he started, swallowing the lump in his throat, “But I...But I forgive you.” 

“I- I promise I won't blow off- blow off our plans, uh, in favor for others ever- ever again, okay?” 

“Okay, dude,” Michael murmured. He averted his gaze to Jeremy and softly smiled. “Bros before potential positive futures involving social life?” 

Jeremy let out a high-pitched laugh. “Sure.” 

**Author's Note:**

> pls comment like and snickerdoodle  
> if u didnt like this story im sorry but to make it up to you im writing a tree bros fic and its 100% fluff and ill upload whenever i guess


End file.
